Last time on Q&A, we talked about lecherous old men and how they will pay young women to do terrible things like write friendly e-mails for money in this country. Today let's turn the tables a bit and look at a self-help guide for Japanese women hoping to make it with a younger guy.

How to Skillfully Date a Younger Guy

1. Don't Hurt His Pride

Guys are prideful things, huh? And for a couple with an older woman, it seems like the woman is always taking the lead.

But at the same time, she'll accidentally say things like "I can't count on you," or "It's not like you'll be able to anyway, so just let me handle it" without thinking about it.

Especially in front of other people, be absolutely sure not to take an attitude that makes him feel unappreciated. If you look down on him, you'll deeply wound his pride.

2. Don't Overdo Anything

Younger boyfriends are cute because there's something helpless and uncertain about them. If he's troubled by something, most of us just want to give him a hand and help him out, right?

At first, he might smile, and you'll feel happy for making him feel that way. But if you continue helping him at every problem, he'll start to take it for granted that you'll do everything for him.

Then rather than being a couple, you'll be like his mom. No matter how overjoyed you were to be taking care of him at first, you'll find yourself dissatisfied and saying things like, "I'm not your mother! And I'm not your maid!"

This isn't a good relationship to be in. So, to make sure it doesn't happen, you need to be careful about lending him a hand or taking care of things for him too often.

3. Get Good at Depending on Him

In a couple with an older woman and a younger man, the woman always seems to be the stronger one in the relationship. And among those couples there are some where the woman is clumsy about finding ways for herself to depend on the man.

Guys like to be relied upon! They want you to let them take care of things! When they spend time with a woman that lets them do those things, they think you're cute and want to protect you.

So even if in daily life you're taking the lead in your relationship, you need to let yourself be coddled.


Not only for couples with an age difference but for all couples it's important to think about each other's wants and feelings. We all want to be in relationships that make both people feel good, right?


So there you have it: The #2 Google ranking and one-stop-font-of-knowledge for "How to Date Younger Guys" in Japanese. If you haven't encountered the Japanese in Point 3 before, this might be a good chance to take note of it:

The Japanese verb 甘える (amaeru), loosely meaning "to express dependence on another," is a cultural phenomenon discussed extensively by Japanese psychoanalyst Takeo Doi in his book The Anatomy of Dependence (甘えの構造). Among Doi's insights in the book is the idea that Japanese are born into then aspire to an ideal state in which they are indulgent in the goodwill of all those around them. Doi suggests that the Japanese language reflects this ideal with its customary use of keigo and teineigo used to address both infants and people in position of high social status, from grandparents to company executives.

Whether you think Doi has some good points or dismiss it as a bunch of bunk, 甘える remains a well-known and well-used word and concept in Japan that can be difficult to express concisely in English.

Have any thoughts about it? Screams of rage about the slanted views on older women babying oedipal boyfriends only to later scold them for acting like an actual child? As usual, we welcome you to share in the comments below. :)

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