Uh oh! Sounds like there's some trouble in the Yamada home!

Is it just my wife, or...?
After dating for four months, my wife and I got married in July. So, here's my question: When you go to work, does your wife send you off from the entryway, and does she meet you there after work? We've been living together since May, but she never sends me off or meets me at the door when I come home. And when your wife does laundry, does she fold the clothes and put them away in the dresser? My wife folds the clothes but doesn't put them away.

When I ask her why, she says, "You need to take care of your chores."
Shouldn't a wife feel embarrassed sending her husband off wearing wrinkly clothes?
I'm worried about what it'll be like if we have kids.

[The sheer number of replies to this thread is unwieldy. Only a few are represented here, and I've spliced a few similar replies together in hopes of better readability.]

Is your wife a housewife?

My wife doesn't come to the door. Don't you think you've been watching too many soap operas? What do you expect, that she'll take your shoes off while saying, "You must have had a hard day at work, honey. Do you want to have a bath first, or dinner?"

My wife does put the laundry away, though, because she complains that my way of putting clothes away is messy.

And I think putting clothes in the dresser and having wrinkly clothes are two different problems. Doesn't she iron your stuff?


If she's a housewife but she's not taking care of the house, then what the hell is she doing with all her time? If she's telling you to take care of your own chores, then tell her she can go out and earn her own money for food. You didn't marry her so you could take care of a princess that requires three daily meals and a bed to sleep in. It gets harder to split up after there's a kid, so teach her what her place is or drop her now.


This is about talking things over with your wife, or maybe you'd call it "educating" her.

Just say it straight: "Send me off in the morning" and "You're a housewife so put the clothes away." Saying it like that solved any issues there were in my household.

If the wrinkles are bothering you, put the clothes away yourself or tell your wife to put them away. It's not good to leave them sitting out.


A wife is not the same thing as a mom.

What a pain-in-the-ass husband. lol.

Like your wife says, take care of your own chores.
Be happy that she's done the laundry and folded them.

Thinking that your wife is just gonna do everything that your mother did for you is a big mistake.


I'm usually still asleep when my husband goes to work.
Some days I don't even realize he's gotten up and left the house.

I don't go to meet him at the door when he comes home.
I really don't understand why I need to go to the entryway to greet him.

And I usually leave the laundry hanging.
He's just gonna wear them again anyway, so on the floor or on the hanger shouldn't make a difference from being put away in a dresser.

Is this really being a bad wife??


My husband's overwhelming like this, and it's really tiring.

He wants me to send him off and meet him, not just at the entryway, but all the way outside the front door.
When we use the car he wants me to start the engine and have the A/C running, then turn the car around so that when he gets in it's already facing the street. Ugh.

A husband's shame should make his wife feel ashamed, but it works the other way around, too.
And the same for parents and kids.

So there's a level a husband's got to maintain above just bringing in the dough.

When I do laundry, I fold it and leave it on the table. And I just do a bare minimum of cleaning.

Little by little my husband is coming around to my pacing of things.
I think that if you and your wife don't compromise somewhere, you'll both just be tired and angry all the time.


You're worried about what'll happen when you have kids, but I think your wife is too. When there's a baby in the house, your wife won't have time to hold your hand. It'd be hard for you to suddenly have to take care of everything around the house; try helping out a little bit at a time, cleaning the bathtub, taking out the trash, making some simple meals, and cleaning your room. It took me 5 years to be able to do all those things well. Housework is something I hadn't done, so it was hard for me to accept the necessity of household chores.

But if you're thinking about your wife and helping her out, she'll naturally come to the door to greet you when you come home. Why not just show her that you want to help?


Whew! Bet you didn't think that sending a husband off at the door could be such a hot topic. There were some interesting Japanese words in this selection. Here are some I wanted to share:

箪笥 → たんす → dresser
しわくちゃ → rumpled, wrinked
仕舞う → しまう → put away (e.g. clothes)
「自分のことは自分でしなさい」 → take care of your own chores (lit. do your own stuff yourself)
トピ主さんに構う時間 → time to hold [your] hand (lit. time to take care of [you])
( トピ主さん indicates the original poster of the thread.)

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