I've had just about all I can take of this awful cast. Praise the lord I haven't been subjected to the CD version of these total puppets yet.
Anyway, whatever, here they are, and apologies in advance for my anger.
|"I know, right?!"|
|"To the douche-mobile!"|
I don't know what happened to Paul when he came to Japan. At least, I presume he wasn't born here, otherwise he'd be playing down his American-ness somehow, right? And maybe he wouldn't dream so hard about playing American Football with black guys (not going to happen). But anyway, his first appearances in NC1 are pretty butch. He looks like he's been doing some lifting and bench presses. Turn the clock forward two years and he's just another tender-hearted featherweight. Fast forward to the teary-eyed walkaway at the end of Chapter 8 and he's even put on a bit of weight. Whatever, forget Paul.
Matted-haired, suspiciously-stinky Ratna and her Special-Olympics-clap-along to every goddamn thing in the book deserve no more mention than this, if only because she has nothing to talk about except the fact that she's from India.
And then there's Poor Kumi. Clearly just trying to make friends and be nice, she annoys the living hell out of me. My only moment of comfort is when she openly wets herself on the opening pages of NC1.
The only respite from her awful kid's TV personality is at the end of NC3 when she's clearly grown into a fine figure of womanhood. She and her friends walk off misty-eyed together across a map of the world and you just know she cried at graduation. The best part is: I bet no one ever calls her. All her "friends" leave her to stew in the psychological crash that surely follows her entry into Best High School in the Region. She descends into a deep, dark depression eventually chronicled in minute detail by Natsuo Kirino, the fruit of whose labor gains a steady cult following.
Take that, keener. Keen bean. Try hard. Twat.
Wang Ming or Ming Wang or Wing Mang or whatever he is
Kumi : Just a minute. Wonderful!
YEAH THANKS A LOT KUMI.
Things go from bad to worse for Wang, or Ming, or whatever we're supposed to call him; in NC1, he desperately needs the toilet but can't find it. It's behind you, moron. The writers give him one more chance to prove himself with a cultural insight into China in NC3, and the best he can come up with is the Great Wall. Yeah, great, but what have you done lately?
All of this helps to explain why he only manages to be on one page in NC2, and even that was only because Poor Kumi felt sorry for him.
|No-one wants to hug you.|
|Oh... hi guys. These are my, uh, friends.|